Teddy Bear Tins

January 13, 2010

Counting Down

5 more days

And then it will have been a year.

What exactly do I call that day, one year after the day that my nephew died and was born? I've heard a few different phrases: BIRTHday, angel-versary, anniversary of death, just plain "anniversary," special day...

My approach to determining what I want to term the day has been the same as my approach to all things grief-y lately: complete denial and avoidance. The thought of what I might want to do on Monday, January 18th will pop into my head and then ::whoosh:: my brain blinks "ERROR MESSAGE! SYSTEM FAILURE! REBOOT!"

My mom is driving up to RI to be with A & M. If they ask for me to come I will of course be there in a heartbeat, but for now, I'll be home. Something about being up there with just them and my mom, like it was last year, and it being the same places and sights and environment... I just don't want to relive it, or have them feel even more like they're reliving it. I've relived it so many times over the past year already. Ugh!

I've read many accounts of what people do on the one-year date, hoping to get some insight on what I can do to help A & M. From that, I did come up with one idea which I'll post about later (it's a surprise). But for the most part, it seems like it's hard to predict what the day will be like and how they'll want to handle it. I'm just really unsure about the whole thing.

And of course I have no idea how I'll handle it.

That avoidance thing I mentioned? Yea, some of that sounds good right about now...